So many moms

I’m a mother! It’s my first Mother’s Day!*

on Flickr” href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/sundaykofax/5700403891/”>80 and Sara
This is a representative sample of the group. 80’s my baby, but Sara belongs to Abby and Jasper.

We celebrated by having two moms and their son over for brunch. Seriously, the best way to celebrate Mother’s Day is with as many mothers as you can pack in per child. Polygamist lesbian moms, come on over.

We made the same awesome easy crepes Laurie made during the Hott Librarian Getaway 2011. I doubled the recipe, and it exactly fed four hungry adults, a two-year-old, and a one-year-old. My favorite topping combo was Nutella and bananas, and the other popular concoction was butter, lemon juice, and powdered sugar.

*Jason pointed out last year that I was a mother, as I had a nearly fully-incubated baby in my abdomen. It’s a different feeling, much easier to feel celebratory (possibly because I feel I can demand it). It was a year ago that I was physically huge, overly warm, and generally uncomfortable. This year was much more fun, although we could just decide to go see two movies on a Saturday afternoon anymore.

Neighbors!



Neighbors!, originally uploaded by sundaykofax.

B and 80 are neighbors, and we hung out at the May Fair yesterday. B’s papa seems mighty impressed at the sharing of crackers and fine knitwear.

Through the Gauntlet

Lunching with sheep, originally uploaded by sundaykofax.

As we come up on 80’s first birthday, folks are asking me if we’re having a big party.

I’m taking my cue from the hilarious parenting book Be Prepared, which points out that you’ll just be stressed out and not enjoy it, so you should instead photoshop your baby’s head on a thoughtfully provided first birthday photo. It’s not like 80’s going to remember.

We happen to have friends coming to town that weekend, which will provide a special-event feeling. After thinking about what I might look back and wish we had done, or a tradition to begin, I decided that the one very birthday-like thing to do is provide the right environment for a traditional “smash cake into face” scenario.

I’ve been having waves of “oh wow, 80’s just about a year old” feelings. It seems impossible. There are two factors at work: this has felt like the slowest year of my life, and when 80 was a newborn I also spent a lot of time thinking about how some day she would be a year old, and it seemed devastatingly far in the future.

Along with the loads of advice and comments people made to us while I was pregnant, “it gets easier after the first year” and “it goes by so quick!” are the two most common. I hope it gets easier after the first year. This first year was HARD. Harder than I had anticipated. Of course, there have been many things that have made the difficulty more than worthwhile, but still. If it got easier, I’d be stoked.

The other comment, about how your children’s life goes by so quick, comes from parents of older or grown children. I can see how parents would feel this way, but I wasn’t sure what made this such a standard experience (and comment to me, which always feels like they’re lying to help me get through it). At this point, I think this past year has been both the slowest and the quickest year of my life. My friend Jake just happened to blog about this on a more general level:

“Time passes by quicker as you grow older as a function of perception of time in proportion to your lifetime; i.e. that 1 year in the life of a 10-year-old = 1/10, while for a 50 year old =1/50.”

It all makes sense then. I’m experiencing 80’s first year with her, which means every day is significant and memorable struggling to turn the page of a book, or put food into her mouth). At the same time, trying to look at MY year is nearly impossible because it’s intertwined with hers. I can remember a few events that aren’t 80 related — going kayaking with Jason for our anniversary, having too many margaritas with Margaret, and this series of similar moments during naps when I’d eat chocolate-covered almonds and read photography books. Mostly this has been 80’s year.

I’m OK with this. It was a pretty important year. As Jason and I keep saying, “Hey, we haven’t killed the baby yet!” 80 is turning out to be a happy little person, and she has zero scars. We’ve done our work. Jason told me I was a kick-ass mother yesterday, and I hold on to that as an intangible reminder that I’ve actually been working very hard. What I have to show for it is packaged into 20 pounds of duck-down-hair, blueberry-eyed, husky-voiced awesome.

So think of this when you talk to someone whose first child is turning one: they have made it through the gauntlet. The first year is over, and they will never be so terrified of a newborn again. They are inevitably thinking about their child, about how awesome they’re just starting to become (words! steps!) and their birthday, but they should be congratulated for having made it through this first year. They’ll never be first-time parents again — from now on, they’ll have a modicum of experience to guide them. It’s an intense year no matter what their life is like (stay-at-home parenting is hard; not being the SAHP is hard), and they should be recognized for it. Something like “A year old? Wow! You did such a good job! I hear it gets easier from here.”

For those parents just starting The Gauntlet, I’ll tell you my secret. There’s a guy who humor-blogged about each week of his daughter’s life. Reading those blog posts on my phone while nursing a newborn kept me sane.

Wadsgreen origin story

Wadsgreen origin story

Wadsgreen origin story, originally uploaded by sundaykofax.

Once upon a time, two nerds met on the internet. IRL, they met up at the Blue Cat Brew Pub in Rock Island, Illinois.

Seven years later, we left our baby with great babysitters (the Greenparents) and are having dinner at the same place. It’s a great excuse to wax reminiscent about The Beginning. I should probably stop blogging and eat these duck drummies.

So many lovies



DSC_1483, originally uploaded by sundaykofax.

80 lays her head down and sucks her thumb on the following:
my belly
Lambie (her official bedtime lovie)
a number of teddy bears
the neighbor’s golden retriever
a random dog we met at the park today

Victim targeted



Victim targeted, originally uploaded by sundaykofax.

Jason’s challenged me to try and take a *good* photo every day. I’d been complaining that practicing my photography wiles on 80 is getting tiring, but then realized that it’s a perfect challenge. I’ll have to be creative to keep it from being (too) repetitive. Follow along on the Wadsgreen Flickr (if you actually know us). I’ll post the occasional one here (as “repetitive” may be interpreted as “pictures of your damned kid every day”).

Digital grandparents

on Flickr” href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/sundaykofax/5593321483/”>Digital grandparents

Digital grandparents, originally uploaded by sundaykofax.

80 skyped with her maternal grandparents tonight, and touched their faces … I mean the screen, a lot. That would sound heartbreaking, if we weren’t seeing them in a week.

DIY: cloth wipes

I get lots of compliments from people about 80’s skin, including from her pediatrician.

“What do you do so she has such great skin?”, they ask.

“Neglect.”, I answer. 80 has never been bathed more than once a week. Her critical areas are cleaned multiple times a day, with each diaper change. Once she started eating solids, and she’d end up with avocado in her hair, parsnips ground into her sleeves and tiny bits of everything between her fingers, we’d just do a sponge bath of the necessary bits, or hold her hands under running water.

I’m pretty sure this is the way babies are supposed to be. Giving too many baths (and using too much soap) dries out a baby’s skin. Using disposable wipes with fragrance and cleaners on them (including alcohol) seem to do more to irritate than to help. I’m sure bouts of diaper rash are common, and 80 just happens to have resilient skin. She’s had diaper rash, but not much, and not for long. I attribute this to cloth wipes.

DSC_0891

Basically, I cut up a cotton flannel receiving blanket into 7×7″ squares, put two together, and zig-zag stitched along the sides to keep them from unraveling. I have a spray bottle with water in it, which I spray onto a dry wipe before using. 80 likes to watch me spray the water on the cloth. There’s the cool “chhh chhh” sound, and water droplets. It’s an infant’s equivalent of going to a water park.

If there’s a large mess, or mild diaper rash, I add a spray or two of California Baby Non-Burning & Calming Diaper Area Wash to the cloth with the water. If the diaper rash is more than mild, I don’t use any, because despite the name, it does seem to sting.

What I’d do differently if I were to make wipes again is to only use light-colored fabric, because I can see how much poo has come off onto the wipe, which helps me figure out if there’s any left. (Clean wipe after a swipe, clean baby.) I also wouldn’t double the fabric. I’m sure it’d be harder to stitch the edges, but the fabric is thick enough that doubling is not necessary. Instead, there would be thinner folds of fabric to use to get into the little baby crevices.

Why so serious?

on Flickr” href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/sundaykofax/5551111090/”>DSC_0888

A scrape, a bruise, lunch, and blue fuzz from the rug adorn my child’s grille.

During the course of today, 80 got scrapes on both sides of her cheeks. Of course,this should remind you of that teeshirt of Heath Ledger’s The Joker. Naturally.

The right side of her face is a combo scrape and bruise, the left side a plain ol’ scrape. The scrabruise happened this morning before naptime. There is a rule — let’s call it The Pre-Toddler Law, that states “the closer you are to nap time (and thus the less balanced and coordinated you are), the more it will hurt when you fall down”. The very same biff would be shaken off with nary a cry if 80 had been fresh, but since it was just before a nap, she took it hard.

On the upside, isn’t she cute anyway?