End of the blear

By sunday on December 22, 2004

Work is fun and crazy like the day before Christmas in an elementary school.

I am a little too distracted by it all to really think of anything that I've been pondering. I'll have to do that tomorrow.
I have to get my Illinois drivers license,
and since I'm from out of state,
I have to take the written test. It's funny,
because I haven't studied for this type of thing since I was 13. I'm actually learning a lot. I know the rules, but there are a lot of suggestions on safe driving that I should keep in mind.

– If your gas pedal becomes stuck, hook your foot behind the pedal to free it. If it is still stuck, shift into neutral and brake gently to slow down. (I wouldn't have thought of shifting into neutral during that panicky moment.)

-If you are in a crash that involves a power line or power source, stay in your vehicle. If you must leave (say, because the car is on fire), jump away from the car with both feet. Do not touch the car and the ground at the same time.

-" … whistles and bells are allowed only on authorized emergency vehicles." Kids, this means that you cannot add fancy-schmancy bells and whistles like neon undercarriage lights or sunroofs. This is not true. The manual is referring to actual bells and whistles. It's just funny that the two words are also a phrase my dad uses.

– "No motor vehicle may have a television set that is visible from the driver's seat."

There you go.
I finally found an online group of Young Adult public librarians. I joined their listserve,
appealed for their help in finding a masters program,
and today was flooded with suggestions of colleges based on attendance in the '70s.

I was hoping the overwhelming consensus would be that U of Hawaii was the only way to go. As it turns out,
midwestern schools are where its at.

Now I just have to calm down and not freak out about purposely going forward in life with a plan. It's kind of nerve-wracking. I'm not used to it, and I feel like a skittish pixie. Long-term planning freaks me out and makes me want to run in the opposite direction.

Let's see- the opposite direction of a YA public librarian would be … scamming old people out of their pensions?
Adventure: Last night Jason and I went to the close-by movie theatre to see Blade III,
Alexander,
or Ocean's 12. By the logic of starting times, we narrowed our choices down to the first two, and then logically decided that we'd rather engorge ourselves on the first two Blades before ravaging the third. We came to this consensus outside (it was 5 degrees) because that was the only place the movies were listed. On the frontis of the building were the ticket booths. There were scarily dressed mannequins with newscaster wigs sitting to attend to us. We walked inside, and learned that we purchase the tickets (and by 'tickets' I mean 'receipts for popcorn') from the concessionaire. She radioed back to her co-worker to see if Alexander was going to be played. She warned us that the Alexander theatre was "one of the colder theatres". Jason and I had both worn hats and such, and decided to go. 
Little did we know that the temperature of the room would hover at 45 degrees for the duration of the movie. 
Factors that did not help: 1. We were the only people in the theater and our body heat was sucked upwards to the cavernous ceiling. 2. Alexander is 2 hours and 56 minutes long. 3. We could not snog and grope each other because we were wearing too many layers of clothing and could not maneuver.
I looked like a ninja all wrapped up, and we were both sitting on our hands to keep them warm. I didn't even have the heart to eat my generic sour patch-type kids.
Abstract view:
Theory or Possibly Fact: Duress makes some situations more tolerable. Example One: If Jason and I had to sit in a cold cold room for a half hour, we probably would have stayed 15 or 20 minutes before deciding to leave. Knowing that a three hour movie was our goal, we sat with a surprising amount of patience. 
Example Two: Allison and I went kayaking, and after two days of self propulsion and mosquitoes, we had hardied up the ability to handle a higher level of duress. As the rain we paddled in turned into a storm, we calmly and without complaint hauled our awkward equipment in trips up a muddy path with nettles and a steep incline to wait, in the above-mentioned rain, for our ride. 
Example Three: There were several times during AmeriCorps*NCCC that I found myself amazed at my ability to persevere. Firefighting, with smoke-filled lungs and bleeding hands; building a metal shed, with high winds and freezing temperatures; cutting back trail in WV, hiking for miles and miles and miles each day hacking at rhododendron and mountain laurel. I look back and can hardly believe I completed my tasks. 
Perhaps this comes as a shock after having spent a large portion of my life thinking that I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to. I thought the punishment from failure would always hurt less than the daunting task. Thanks to the brain, which continually amazes me, I've learned that I can handle a lot more than I estimate.
This theory was brought to my attention again by watching a documentary on the Burning Man Festival. Those who plan for months and sacrifice to spend time in the hot, dry desert enjoy it much more than those who fly in.
There ought to be more short stories based on this theme. If anyone writes one and posts it as a comment (200 word minimum, you harpies) I'll knit them a pair of mittens.
It's the moment (often with a tummy drop) when you realize that the friendly benifits routine you've had with your friend has reached the acme point. Often,
this point is lost on those in this situation, because they've already been deluding themselves about the situation. There are certain assesments you can take, keeping you in reality, that will show you the righteous path (to a sig oth, or the choice of friends or ignoring for at least six months – a year if you live in Iowa City).

Here's how it plays out:

1. Tummy drop. Oh no. You've just realized that they do do weird things in bed. Why didn't you notice it before? Other tummy-drops can come from realizing that they're using you for sex, sleeping space, heat, textbooks, Netflix (or cable), your car, or the worst – boredom.

2. Paradoxically, you're also realizing that you are having relationship feelings. Not love, silly. Jealousy. If you get upset because he mentioned a past sexencounter, that's your fault. That means you're past total deludinoid, take a left at real relationship, and park directly in front of "you're supposed to be cool, and getting upset over mentioning sex with anyone is verboten in the cool handbook" (unless it shows that they cheated on you).

3. On the upside, the negs may actually be your ally. As you get more relationshippy (read: snippy about actions, words, looks, exes) this is your best chance to take these cracks in the cake and pull them apart into pieces, then rearrange them into a cake has the word "Friendship" frosted on it. Dig? This is your chance to get out without a mess! You're starting to bicker, you two now have a past – it's time to own up to the relationship that has appeared, or get the fuck out.

4. I need some cake.
I got got got got no time. I'm starting to feel the pressure of two vacations in a row. When I leave my home on Wedesday,
I must take with me everything I'll need until January 2. That includes my passport and such. First I got to Iowa, then I go to Ireland.

Things I really ought to start thinking about:
Should I buy all the Harry Potters in English english?
How much underwear should I pack?
Should Evelyn come with me, or should I just take a boring suitcase?
Temperature – what is going to be the temperature?
Camera, film, lighting?
Naked pregnant friend. Check.

I'm listening to the Scissor Sisters album over and over again today. It's hard not to seat dance.
I love today. I get to drive for three hours (but travel, not commute) to the farm to spend time with my family and newly 22ed siblings (huppy huppy birthday to them). I have two small bags that contain everything I'll need for the next two weeks. I have a car full of gas, a CD player, and the Scissor Sisters album. I have good snacky food for the trip, not shitty snacky food from the Mobile station.

I'm feeling pretty god damned smug. Now I just have to dick around with gmail and jeaun.com all day until I get to leave.

Last night I held a simulcast birthday party at my apartment for Anton and Alena. Jason, Kat, and I ate stir fry, drank Chardonnay, and ate birthday cake. Kat decorated the cake with a scary birthday clown.
Fun was had by all.

I may hate the outermost ring of Christmas propaganda, but deep inside I can't help liking time off of work to see my family. I really can't complain about that.

And it's interesting, you know, because red and green are complimentary colors, and they're really only known as a symbol of Christmas. The other compliments (orange and blue, purple and yellow)don't get nearly as much attention. I think of the Chicago Bears and the DeWitt Sabers. Maybe we should designate the other sets for other holidays, or maybe Festivus should be known by festive purple and yellow sweaters, socks, wrapping paper, web themes, and cookies.

I've just realized that I have no knitting project for my time at home, and my time on international flights. Fuck. I hate this – now I'll just find a stupid project to do just to keep my hands busy. I should think of something real quick, and borrow needles from Mom. Um, um, yeah.