Literally a midget

Overheard last night at Steak ‘N Shake:

(two young female voices)
“I’ll have the chicken strip basket and fries.”
“Nothing for me.”
(waitress leaves)
“You can’t not eat! I’m not eating by myself.”
“I already ate – I’m just company for you.”
“You should totally eat – you’re so skinny anyway. You’re like 90 pounds.”
“Yeah, but I’m only five feet tall. You’re the lucky one, you’re tall.”
“Whatever, you’re skinny. And last night at the show there was this, like, really short girl down in front and she totally got pinned against the guard rail and they had to, like, rescue her. She was super short. She was like four-eight.”
(silence, then same girl speaks)
“She was literally a midget.”
“Oh my god – I’m so glad I’m not any shorter!”
“Yeah, I think anyone shorter than five feet is legally a midget.”
“Wow. We’ll I’d better not shrink.”
“Why not? You could have a handicapped sticker.”
“And park anywhere I want?”
(discussion of handicap benefits continues as Jason and I pack up and leave)

  1. You know, I just want to fucking state that, despite the vagaries of Wikipedia, which claim that any adult under 4’10” suffers from dwarfism… I am in a company no less illustrious than that of Estelle Getty, Joan of Fucking Arc, Bonnie Parker, Mother Teresa, and Edith Piaf.

    Edith Piaf! 4 foot 9, that one!

  2. I haven’t laughted my ass off this hard in a long time–this may quite possibly be the best blog ever written, followed with the best blog response by Allison ever written. I only wish I had something as creative on mine.

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