I think I have a ‘thing’

I think I have a thing about food. I was stuffing little bags with energy drinks and bars for work today,
and I was pondering.

Always with the pondering.

I thought about how I had been encouraged to try a bar or two. I thought about how eating them really doesn't do anything beneficial to me other than give me more calories. I thought about how I ate too much in Germany,
about sneaking off with two 1000 Grands from the snack machine I was supposed to be filling. Then I remembered being a little girl- maybe 3rd grade- and sneaking snack food to take on the bus. I remember my mom finding me reaching into the cupboard for a nearly-empty jar of peanuts.

WTF? The only time I would even loosely over-categorize myself with an eating disorder was when I was in Germany and really unhappy.

The trend goes way back, though.

Is it because I’m hypoglycemic and this is a side-effect? That would be convenient.

Is it that I eat when I’m discontent? Maybe, but not to extreme excess. Just the occasional feels-like-excess.

Could it be that there’s something I can’t put my finger on, and I have no perspective with which to figure this out? Probably that one.

Just made me think, that’s all.